Where I'm At

I am quiet
But I'm not a fool
I watch you
Bumbling red faced man
As you rant and shout expletives

I am quiet
But I am still valid
Shouty people
Do not have the sole right to rule
Even though they think they do

I am quiet
And I watch the circus
from the sidelines
Even when they
Want to draw me in

I am quiet
I wish to stay quiet
And be quietly dignified
As I exit the door
To the quietness outside

Simone Whipp 11/3/2018

Self Expression Journal

I watch a lot of YouTube tutorials and videos about creativity and more recently about journaling.  In addition to keeping a diary or notebook, I have discovered there is now a whole world of different ways to journal including art journals, junk journals, smash books, glue books, sketch books, doodle books and a whole lot of varying reasons for doing so.  I have felt quite overwhelmed with  information on how to do it, when all I want to do is create without pressure, without being judged purely to satisfy my need for self expression.  I often thought there was a 'right' way to journal - there isn't. 

Back to basics, I am using an A5 watercolour notepad and watercolour paints.  I am going through the notepad to 'prepare' the pages for journaling.  By this I mean that I am going through the book, saturating pairs of pages with water and then letting the paint do its thing without much interference from me.  Once the book has no scary blank pages left I will write my thoughts, quotes that mean something to me, poems and maybe some sketches on the painted pages.  There is no time frame for this.  I will add something to the book as and when I feel the need to.  The contents of the book will be entirely unique.  My self expression in a book.

A Bad Case of Self Expression

I had a long walk today on my way to a volunteers meeting.  I took the berry photo in a park nearby.  The holly tree was smothered in berries a sign of a harsh winter to come?  With hindsight I wish I had stayed taking photos rather than attend the meeting although I did meet an interesting man who apparently used to sell missiles and another who thought I was in my late 30's so it wasn't all bad.

At the meeting I spoke up and expressed my views in a rather clumsy way that came out in a bit of a rant.  I felt so embarrassed afterwards but luckily an eloquent woman spoke up for me explaining what I meant.  I think I may have shocked a few people with what I was saying but at least I was heard.  I blame it on the second child syndrome.  I was the second and last child of two in a house shared with strong characters.  A long way down in the pecking order I feel I have to shout to be heard. 

Do you have siblings or are you an only child?  Has being a second child held you back in any way?  Do you feel that you are compared to the first born?  I would be interested to know if any of you have felt stifled by being the youngest member of the family. 

Right now I feel emotionally drained after my 'self expression' episode.  I feel I must stay tight lipped for months to come!  I am going to keep my head down and stay at the back of the queue.  Sometimes being seen and not heard can be an advantage.