No Visuals Just Words

After the prolonged heatwave the temperature dropped drastically and I caught a cold.  After weeks of inactivity due to the heat I am now unproductive because of not feeling 100%.  I am delighted at the cooler weather but disappointed in myself for not having the wherewithal to do anything.

Another summer going by in a flash without having a holiday.  Nothing to get up for.  Nothing to wash my hair for.  I know I am piling it on a bit here and know that my feeling unwell is making my mood feel considerably lower than normal.

What worries me most of all is that life is passing me by without me getting anything done.  There always seems to be an excuse: not enough funds, not in the mood, lack of confidence. when I am thinner, when I know more, when my son leaves home etc;

I need a job (well, I need an income) but am reluctant to work for anyone again.  Self employment seems to be the key but doing what?  I don't have a business idea and am rapidly losing the inability to make any kind of decisions.  I am frozen by choice and then again by no choice.

I try to take an interest in current affairs, I watch a lot of trash T.V, I get out my art materials, splash around with paint for a bit then get annoyed at the mess I have made and put it away again, never quite as neatly as I found it.  One week I am all about clean eating and the next it is cast aside for  a chocolate covered Oreo bar.  Vintage ephemera excites me one week and that is followed by clean and simple modern designs.  I am full of contradictions.

My OH said that I like to put things in boxes (metaphorically) and I think that is true.  I get frustrated that I don't know who I am after 55 years.  I don't know if I am having a mid-life crisis but I suspect that I have always felt this way.

Next time you read here, hopefully my cold would have receded and I will have something more hopeful to write about.  Off now to find the tissues.

Making Paper Bows

I checked my diary and apart from one torrential but short lived downpour of rain, the last six weeks have been hot, hot, hot, humid, oppressive and a complete hell hole!  I wish I could be one of those laid back characters who go with the flow and embrace the heat, but when your house feels like a furnace and the fans just blow hot air I feel as though I am going to combust.  It has been difficult to keep my bad mood in check and I am best left alone.

When I need to go to the shops I make sure to get out early and then get back into the house.  I have kept the curtains drawn (in the rooms where we have them) and tried to keep still as movement makes me feel nauseous and even hotter. Happily, I hear that the heatwave is going to break today.  I know that with the rain the humidity will increase but I can tolerate that one more night if we are rewarded with fresher air tomorrow.

I can't concentrate in the heat as my brain feels as though it is being cooked!  I lack productivity and get frustrated at wasting my time.  Yesterday and today, for fear of wasting any more time, I sat quietly at the dining room table and made some simple paper bows.  Satisfying and constructive to do I believe it was the catalyst I needed to get me out of a funk.

Social Media Thoughts

I've recently started to post photos on Instagram.  I have been reluctant to do this but a lot of my old 'contacts' are on there and I felt I was missing out.  I am already wondering if this was a mistake.  So many of the photos on Instagram are carefully curated, it makes my efforts look totally amateur and probably not the 'experience' most people want when searching for their hearts desire.  I tend to make something and then take a snap shot of it, faults and all and it's there for all to see, dissect, admire or criticise.  I don't know if I am cut out for this kind of public exposure.

Although my blog is out there on the world stage I don't feel so vulnerable posting here.  Here is like a safe harbour and not the vast ocean of Instagram and other social media sites.   I am in a quandary what to do.  Sometimes I think I should keep my 'art' to myself and wait until I produce something I am 100% happy with, but what if that day never comes?  For now I think I will continue to make my creations public, after all we all have to start somewhere don't we?

Light at the End of a Tunnel

I walked through this tunnel today.  I had to bend over to stop my head hitting the top.  My two companions were not brave enough to walk through.  Later, they found a smallish zip wire. They both went on the zip wire and cajoled me into going on it.  My stomach flipped as I careered down the wire only for my husband to drag me back to the top and then let me go down again!  It was a great photo opportunity for all but luckily for me, the images will not be featuring on this blog!

Mood Boards Can Work

I started a mood board back in April.  I had a vision in my head about how I wanted the house and garden to look and feel but was unable to explain this vision to my husband.  It has really helped him to understand what my goal is and if he shares the same one too!  Fortunately we seem to be on the same track with a little compromise.  I had bought some Hibiscus Trionum seeds to add something different to the garden.  I put up a picture of what they should look like on my mood board.

 As you can see from this picture, I now have them flowering in my garden.


I have mentioned on here before that I love Indian hand block printed cotton quilts.  I already had two that were throw sized but wanted a double sized one.  I printed off a picture of the exact quilt I wanted and bought it!  You can see it in the photo below.

I need to make some adjustments to my board now tweaking some original ideals and adding some new ones too.  I really believe that there is value in mood boards helping to stay focused and work towards a goal.  You can have a mood board about anything.  My next one will be on my creative goals.  Have you ever tried creating a mood board and did it help in achieving the outcome you wanted?

Orchids

I'm not much good with houseplants.  There never seems to be a room environment suited to their individual needs - not enough light, too much light, too cool, too warm etc; until I was given an orchid as a gift back in April.  I left it in the humid steamy kitchen and watched it thrive.  I've since bought another orchid and invested in proper orchid food.  Apparently orchids can thrive for years in the correct conditions and even get by with a bit of neglect.

I can see collecting orchids as a new obsession only my kitchen is too small to house them all!  I was also under the illusion that orchids were very expensive plants.  They can be expensive on line but they are very reasonable in the supermarkets in the UK right now.  The one above was £5.00 and covered in blooms.

Forget bunches of dead blooms!  Treat yourself to a living potted orchid.  They give so much for very little in return.  I am in love with them!

Jersey Tiger Moth

My garden has suffered in this hot, dry spell.  The grass has died back and flowers shrivelled in the scorching sun.  What has been doing well however are the insects and wildlife!  I now think I like insects more than I do flowers - much less maintenance! 

In the past few weeks I have spotted stag beetles (so scary when they fly!), many types of bee, ants and the dreaded flying ants, loads of butterflies moving too quick to be properly identified, a huge dragonfly, a personable toad, swifts, blackbirds, magpies, robins, foxes all making more regular appearances than usual.

Today something caught my eye as it quickly fluttered past my head.  As it settled on a leaf, I managed to quickly get in the house and grab my camera.  It stayed very still whilst I captured its beauty and then the Jersey Tiger Moth departed up and away towards the sky until out of view.  Such a little moment but a treasured one.