Saturday, 20 May 2017
The sight of sticky, fondant covered doughnuts delighted my senses. I don't even like filled doughnuts and really shouldn't be eating such things with my problem teeth and gums but I bought them anyway. Once again, I was drawn in by the pink colour.
Sunday, 14 May 2017
Since I started my new job, almost a month ago, I have dreamt that I am at work every night. There is no escape. Even when I am at home my mind wanders to the job. The lack of sleep and nightmares have started to have an impact on my health and I have developed lichen planus on my gums which the dentist informed me is a result of stress and there is no cure!!! My gums are so painful, red and hot and in addition to stress the condition can be diet related. When I told the dentist I had eaten rhubarb before this condition become apparent she said it was one of the worst foods I could eat! I am also to avoid citrus fruit and spicy food.
Today I have treated myself to a magazine. I am hoping that it will help to take my mind off things. I will have a look at it before I go to sleep this evening. I have a little gift of nasturtium seeds in a ceramic pot that I was given at Christmas. I will plant them later and look forward to the first shoots popping up.
Saturday, 6 May 2017
Thursday, 4 May 2017
Monday, 1 May 2017
I grieve for my old life. I feel that part of me has died but on the upside I feel that part of me has been re-energised and reborn. When I started my new job I wanted to throw it all in after two days. I told my line manager that I couldn't hack it and wasn't sure if I would be back after the weekend. I had been having sleepless nights even before starting the job, waking up every hour and dreaming about the job all the time in between. My anxiety levels were through the roof with upset stomach, dry mouth, uncontrollable crying and a fear of going to bed being unable to sleep.
Two weeks on, I am settling down more in my job. It is just a job. I must keep repeating this mantra to myself. I must learn to switch off when I am not there. During my free time at home I have been watching YouTube videos for inspiration and insight and some of the messages on there came to me at just the right time. Here is one such message from Travis Barton although I have not quoted it exactly as he said it:
'If I choose to do what is easy right now, life will continue to be difficult, but if I do what is difficult right now , life is going to be easy.'
On this occasion I have opted for the difficult option. I could have easily chucked the job in but I would be back to square one again looking for employment. The work is getting easier. It is tiring and I often feel emotional as it is not how I ever envisioned my career path to go, but it is a job. It is just a job and I am lucky to be back in employment after such a long break.
Saturday, 29 April 2017
I hope my friends in the blogging World are well and I will catch up with you soon!