Some Thoughts

This year on a whim I started a YouTube channel.  I thought it would be fun to document what was going on in the garden and take videos rather than just putting up photos on here.  I did used to update my Sybil's Plot gardening blog but as most people come to this Linden Grove channel, I stopped updating on there.

I put up my first YouTube video in the Spring called A Small Suburban Garden in Greater London May 2022.  After that a few more garden videos were created - 6 in total under the playlist In the Garden on my channel.  Then we had the drought.  I totally lost interest in the garden.  Many plants died due to lack of water and the only thing I really had success with was tomatoes and *roses which I watered as much as I could. 

Feeling despondent about the garden, I put my attention back to Art and Paper Craft - the topic that the Linden Grove blog started out on back in 2008.  With a renewed vigour for the topic I started to make videos about things I was making and as of now have uploaded 17 Art and Paper Craft videos under the playlist Art and Paper Craft  I recently changed the name of the channel to Paint-Cut-Glue with Simone as that is what I mainly do.

I expect not everyone is interested in my YouTube topics and I will try to post on here in between uploading my videos if I have anything worth mentioning.  If you do watch any of the videos it would be helpful to the channel if you liked, subscribed or left a comment over on YouTube.  It costs nothing to sign up to YouTube or to subscribe.

At 12.00pm tomorrow I have a scheduled pre-made video coming up.  It is a very short video, less than 2 minutes.  After that particular video I will be focusing on collage made with my own painted papers.  Hope you give it a watch, or any of those I have uploaded.

 * Desdemona photographed today.

The Future Self That Never Was

I am feeling a little melancholic.  For many years I had a dream of having my own business by making and selling handmade items.  The problem here was not knowing what to make and how much time to invest in trying out suitable crafts.  The advent of the Shopping Telly Craft Channels back in the early 1990's made it all seem so simple.  Whenever they had guests on the show the presenter would ask 'What is your Angel policy?  Can the viewers buy the product to make and sell?'  'Yes, tell 'em to fill their boots' was a response I heard frequently.  Card making was one of the first lot of crafts touted and then they went across the board showcasing all different types of craft and machines to help your work be of a professional standard.  They even sold the cellophane bags to present your cards in to sell.

Card stock, paper, glues, cutting machines, die cutting machines, card making kits, punchcraft, pergamano, felt kits, jewellery making supplies, rubber stamps, heat guns, embossing powders, stamping platforms, inks, bookbinding, etc, etc.  I bought them all (almost) and did it all.

Storage was the next big thing on the shopping telly.  Now we had all these supplies we needed storage boxes, tote bags and places to store all these items.  I even bought a shopping trolley to store items 'on the go.'  I took over the spare room and filled it with 'Really Useful Boxes' to keep my 'stock'.  They piled up to the ceiling.

An unrealistic dreamer I convinced myself that by buying all this stock I was sitting on a future investment.  I stupidly failed to realise that these people want to sell a product.  That is all.  One of the champions of selling craft products to the public via the Shopping Channel is Sara Davies of Crafter's Companion.  She is an extremely ambitious and intelligent woman who saw the profit to be made in convincing middle aged women like me that they could turn their hobbies into profit by using her tools and kits and selling the end product.  She is now on the panel of Dragon's Den.

The reality of making to sell is that if something is easy to make then it is accessible to most peoples skill set.  If I can make a decent end product from having the right equipment so can thousands of others.  There is no profit to be made from making and selling unless what you sell is original and there is a market for it.  Many years ago I read that if you want to go into business make sure you are offering a service and not a product.  I think they mean 'end' product because there is lots to be made in kits and raw supplies.

It has taken over 3 decades to accumulate so many craft materials.  I never really enjoyed making craft products because the joy was thwarted through guilt in how much I had spent.  I am tearful as I dismantle the 'craft room'.  A dream being dismantled before my eyes.  I feel crushed as I sell off that which I had built.  There is no point in hanging onto a pipe dream.

What Is This Blog About?

Thank you to friends old and new that come to my blog.  I don't know what the expectations from me are and I have stopped trying to fit in or blog about what I think will be popular.  It may be confusing to some people who haven't followed me for the last 13 years.   I blog about things that interest me at the time and I occasionally put up a YouTube video that has sparked an emotion in me such as the Cliff Richard song that I posted yesterday.  The song took me to a time of innocence and beauty and a sense of what might have been.  It meant something to me.

I don't post as often nowadays as I only post if I have something I want to remember on this on line diary.  Early blogging posts were mainly around what I had been making and doing - crafts/baking etc.  Sometimes I would feature my garden or my cat Gizmo or days out and about.  Occasionally I did giveaways.  The early blog was done for others and now I do it for me.

If you like what I write about or the photos that I post that is a bonus for me but not a necessity. 

I may venture into making YouTube videos in the future (or maybe not!) and if so I will let you know here on the blog.

Wrapping Up 2020

 

Just a few more days until Christmas and then the new year.  The year has been like a nightmare.  I dream deep and vivid dreams and I wake up and the dream is still very much with me.  I feel like I am living in a parallel universe.

There is nothing more to say here for this year.  Roll on 2021.

 

 

 

 

 

Twilight Zone

I've been feeling deep and dark recently.  It is though I am in a twilight zone.  This mood is being reflected in my current artwork.  I am not depressed but I am pensive.  

I keep thinking about all the people and creatures in the world  that will never know me or me them.  As William Butler Yeats was to have said 'There are no strangers here, just friends you haven't met yet.'  I feel sad when I think of all the potential friendships and connections I could have made and yet haven't been able to do so.  

Even when I am with people I feel isolated.  I feel a bit like the hollow eyed creature sitting up there on a tree branch in my collage above.  Always on the periphery.  Always on the outside looking in.

Thankfully I enjoy my own company but am occasionally curious to know what it would be like to be with people who truly 'get me'. 

Tired

 I am not feeling industrious like the bee today.

I feel much more like this sleeping cherub.  Wake me up when it's all over.

The Days are Full

The days are long but full right now.  I have adjusted to this new way of life.  Yesterday I had to go to the Post Office - the first time since early March.  I joined the socially distanced queue that went outside the shop and down the street and was number eleven.  Some people wore masks, some gloves and everybody stayed 2 metres apart.  It was a very strange experience like being in a dream.  After about 45 minutes I reached the counter.

My days are filled with cooking, gardening, planning shopping, painting and domestic chores.  It feels a little bit like being on a treadmill.  Gizmo is unfazed by it all and spends most of his time dreaming in the shrubbery.

New Bag

At the moment the media only seems to have one topic of conversation - serious as it is - we still need to live our lives.  People deal with these situations in various ways.  Mine was to purchase a lovely new bag.

It arrived this morning all the way from Edinburgh in Scotland.   

I shall busy myself in looking for other quality items to put into my new bag.  A handbag mirror perhaps or some pretty pastel cachou sweets. 

Introspective

I'm in a quiet mood right now.  I have to face a fear on Wednesday and I am trying to calm myself and prepare mentally.  It involves a trip to the dentist.

I had a lone walk about today.  The air was fresh but it was quite mild.  I like how this unplanned photo turned out with the silhouette of Forty Hall and the lake and the old cedar tree to the left of the picture.  The late afternoon sun is reflected on the water.

A Life in Patterns

I was thrilled to find a folder full of vintage and a few newer knitting patterns in one of my local charity shops.  It was pleasing and nostalgic for me to see the old style fonts and retro images. 

The patterns were individually priced and as I couldn't make up my mind I bought the whole lot!  When I got home I went through the patterns one by one.  I got a sense of the previous owner just by looking at the patterns, the notes made on them, names of who she was making them for.......many school style cardigans and dolls clothes for bazaars.

I was saddened to see personal notes interspersed between the pages - important numbers and contact details. It was as though she had died and her personal things had been dropped off at the charity shop without anyone going through them.  Little snippets of a person deduced by their knitting correspondence.

I can sense that Ethel was a kind person.  She had requested the Teddies for Tragedies knitting pattern which is used to knit teddies 'for children in third world or war torn countries.'   Thank you Ethel for all the cardigans, jumpers and toys you have made over the years.  I bet you was much loved by your friends and family. x

Retro Birth Announcment

 After my Nan died a few years ago I inherited some of her personal belongings. 

It is hard for me to believe that I was born when Queen Elizabeth II looked so young!  Isn't that a pretty stamp too?  Look at the price of the stamp.  Born pre-decimalisation when ha'penny's, shillings, crowns and threepenny (thrupence) bits were the currency in use.

 Yes.  The announcement is of my birth way back in 1963. 

The card epitomises the 1960's of my childhood.  New shiny modern things, time of joy, taking minor risks, a world of colour and hope and hippy freedom.  I do look back with rose tinted glasses and know that my reality wasn't the same as many others born in the UK at that time.  A happy childhood has grounded me for life and having a solid foundation helps me navigate the murky waters of today's society.

Be Your Own Guru

I have spent years searching for someone to look up to, to inspire me and teach me.  When I left primary school back in the early 1970's my form tutor wrote down a  personal message for each individual child to read and live their life by.  To me he wrote and said 'seek and you shall find'. 

A lifelong quest, I have been searching for my life purpose ever since keeping an eye out for people to guide me who I aspire to be like.  I have been slow to realise that many of the things I seek are within me.  I don't need to go on a journey looking for outside mentors.  I am my own mentor.

Many of us think we are not good enough or other people are better or more worthy of praise and adulation.  Why do we put these self imposed restrictions on our thoughts?  I think we have been conditioned by society to be self-effacing.  In addition I am born of a time when children were to be seen and not heard. 

I no longer feel the need to find a person to stand on a pedestal.  I am my own guru and will learn from my own life experiences and be guided by them.

Controversial

There is so much media coverage at the moment about climate change and the urgency to change our ways of life before humanity becomes extinct.  I've been thinking about this a lot recently and had some radical thoughts on the matter, one of which is - what if this is our destiny?  What if we are meant to self destruct?  Nothing lasts forever.  It is a depressing thought but maybe the destruction of the planet will serve as a lesson to other future beings - if they ever exist.

Insightful people ask 'why am I here?'  The answer may be - it doesn't matter.  Find a reason for being here.  If your purpose is to save the planet then go do that.  Just know that the earth and all it contains is ephemeral and extinction is its ultimate destiny even if we can delay the outcome.

Wet Apples

I've wanted to blog for so long but really don't have anything to say.  I feel it has all been said before.  Today I cleared out two kitchen drawers.  It took around three hours.  The house needs a major sort out but I am the only one in the house who cares about the living environment.  If I could afford to I would just up and leave the house and all its clutter behind.

It is raining steadily right now.  I like it.  The house is getting a good wash on the outside.  My apples are getting a good drink too.  I've been nurturing them this year - a weekly feed and water and picking off any diseased leaves.  If they remain disease free there is a strong possibility that I get to eat them this year.

Pitter patter pitter patter.  The rain is like an old friend come to visit.  It helps to soothe my frazzled mind.

Keeping on Track

Since January 1st, I have walked over 33 miles (53 kilometers) so I am well on the way to achieving 10,000 miles this year if I keep this up!  I have tried to vary the walks I do each day so that walking around the local area doesn't get boring.  I walked past this sign and door for a tea room.  I have never seen this before.  I will have to pop in during one of my walks and see what they have on offer.

This month I seem to have hit the ground running.  I have so much to occupy my time but it is all a good kind of busy.  I am feeling energized and positive more than ever. I just hope that my good mood continues!

I received 'A Mindful Day' daily calendar for Christmas.  It contains meditations to inspire peace and balance.  Here is today's offering;

I can be free from my prior circumstances.

I can live in my deepest vision.

I can live the life of my dreams.

Sounds good to me.

Pleasing Others

This quote resonated with me today 'You may have tried so hard to please others that you've been little more than a bridge on other people' paths and have been treated just like that, like something underfoot.' Elaine N. Aron

More Sorting and Destashing

I freed up two more containers today by getting rid of some yarn and incomplete crochet and knitting projects.

There was over 30 orange and yellow crochet squares that were going to be my son's cot blanket.  I never did get to stitch them together - he is 20 now!!!  In addition to this I had started about four crochet blankets, a couple of scarves and other random projects that were incomplete.

Feeling pleased at having the will to give up over 20 years of projects ( if I haven't finished them as of now I never will) I trundled off to the town centre to hand them into a charity shop.  I explained that as well as various yarn I had a number of incomplete projects in the bags.  Three of the shops weren't interested.  I felt quite embarrassed as they told me they wouldn't accept unfinished items.  They said however they would take the yarn. I told them that I would only give the yarn to a shop that accepted the whole bundle!  I felt quite stroppy and nearly suggested that they finish up the projects rather than huddle around the till gossiping together!  Don't you think that a lot of charities seem so uncharitable nowadays?

Eventually I found a shop that was happy to take my donation.  I hope they are true to their word and will see that it is put to good use and that it doesn't end up in land fill. They did tell me that they have a lady that comes to the shop who buys up unfinished items and wool.  I hope they were not just humouring me.

Unburdened of these woolly items (and a little sad to let them go) I now have an accessible space to use for my papercrafting tools.

Craft Stuff

I have a lot of  'stuff' especially crafty stuff.  It is really getting me down.  I am in a catch 22 situation in that I want to make things but am unable to do so whilst I am surrounded with chaos. The chaos leads me into a downward spiral and then I don't feel like getting things sorted out. I have just bought another six 35 Litre Really Useful boxes to store my stuff - I now have 15 in total.  They are spread between the computer/craft room, hallway and bedroom.  In addition to this I have four 9L boxes, two 5L boxes, eight 4L boxes, one 3L box, two 1.6L boxes and a small unit of sixteen 0.3L boxes and a huge 64L box.  That is just the boxes I have in the Really Useful range!

I can't just 'get rid' of  'stuff' as it still needs to be sorted into what to keep and what to give/throw away and even then I have to see if it goes in recycling or normal refuse collection.  I want to keep most of it but need to find a way for the most effective way to organise my supplies.  I would love to have a clear desk space but yet again, I need the extra space to store things on top!

Today I tackled this mammoth sorting out job again.  I have a long way to go but at least I have set the ball rolling once more.  I have cardboard boxes full of random paper pieces and coloured envelopes.  My sister inquired why I sent her a shop bought Birthday card rather than make one knowing that I have all these card making materials.  She has a point.

What annoys me mostly about trying to reorganise my stuff/room is the length of time it is taking.  When I watch television shows about hoarders it only takes a couple of days to clear an entire house!  Sometimes I wish I had a skip parked outside and someone else to make the decision for me on what and what not to keep.

Just sorting out one box today I found loads of dressmakers pins loose in the bottom of a plastic bag.  I could have just thrown them away but I started to think how this would impact on the environment and could envisage wildlife looking like walking pincushions if they should frequent a rubbish tip where the pins would have been strewn.  I collected them all up and put into yet another small container.  It would have been so useful to have a magnet for this arduous task.

I wish I could focus on one area of craft. Papercraft is my first love but I feel shackled to all the jewellery making, fabric, wool and other crafts that surround me.

Give Me Something

I want to blog but have writers block.  There is nothing interesting going on in my life right now - well nothing worth noting.  I am in a room surrounded with possibilities; paper, fabric, paints, pencils, brushes and yet they rarely get used.

I feel like I need to wipe the slate clean and reinvent my life (dramatic eh?) I have real apathy going on here and am really trying to get my act together but don't know where to start.  Any nuggets of wisdom to share?  Give me something; a metaphoric kick up the bum, a new hobby suggestion, a suggestion for work, a topic to research?  What gets YOU excited about life?  At the moment I feel like I am going through the motions but not really living.  I want to wake up in the morning and be excited for the day ahead.

Help yourself to a chocolate biscuit.  I feel this could be a long chat across the table.

No Visuals Just Words

After the prolonged heatwave the temperature dropped drastically and I caught a cold.  After weeks of inactivity due to the heat I am now unproductive because of not feeling 100%.  I am delighted at the cooler weather but disappointed in myself for not having the wherewithal to do anything.

Another summer going by in a flash without having a holiday.  Nothing to get up for.  Nothing to wash my hair for.  I know I am piling it on a bit here and know that my feeling unwell is making my mood feel considerably lower than normal.

What worries me most of all is that life is passing me by without me getting anything done.  There always seems to be an excuse: not enough funds, not in the mood, lack of confidence. when I am thinner, when I know more, when my son leaves home etc;

I need a job (well, I need an income) but am reluctant to work for anyone again.  Self employment seems to be the key but doing what?  I don't have a business idea and am rapidly losing the inability to make any kind of decisions.  I am frozen by choice and then again by no choice.

I try to take an interest in current affairs, I watch a lot of trash T.V, I get out my art materials, splash around with paint for a bit then get annoyed at the mess I have made and put it away again, never quite as neatly as I found it.  One week I am all about clean eating and the next it is cast aside for  a chocolate covered Oreo bar.  Vintage ephemera excites me one week and that is followed by clean and simple modern designs.  I am full of contradictions.

My OH said that I like to put things in boxes (metaphorically) and I think that is true.  I get frustrated that I don't know who I am after 55 years.  I don't know if I am having a mid-life crisis but I suspect that I have always felt this way.

Next time you read here, hopefully my cold would have receded and I will have something more hopeful to write about.  Off now to find the tissues.