Friday, 23 May 2014
I am at a crossroads in my life and yet again I am going down that path of dead ends and missed opportunities. I think I must have a self destruct button that I am inadvertently pushing, Time rich and money poor, there must be something I can do to spark an interest and earn a living?
At 51 I really do feel World weary. I want to learn new things and be exposed to exciting opportunities but my enthusiasm soon wanes. I was looking at the BBC free learning courses on line but nothing seemed to float my boat. Do I really want to learn French over 12 weeks? No. Find out about WW1? No. I am even tired of the titles of subjects: Maths, Science, Gardening, Sports and Fitness, Art and Design etc. There is probably snippets of information that I would find interesting in all topics but I don't want to devote my time to studying one subject.
To not have a clue where you are heading is most disconcerting. Drifting in and out with the ebb and flow of the tide is exhausting and one needs to find an anchor and a place to be still and focus. Perhaps I will spend the rest of my life just floating about like a piece of driftwood having no interests or sense of purpose. Seeing the beach but unable to reach it and being swept out further in the ocean. I hope not.