Friday, 23 May 2014

Insatiable

I have come to the conclusion that I am insatiable.  I bought these books last week as a quick fix to alleviate my boredom and to also have something to look forward to in the post.  I now wish that I had not been so impetuous as the books, although interesting for a moment, offer nothing new to me.

I am at a crossroads in my life and yet again I am going down that path of dead ends and missed opportunities.  I think I must have a self destruct button that I am inadvertently pushing,  Time rich and money poor, there must be something I can do to spark an interest and earn a living? 

At 51 I really do feel World weary.  I want to learn new things and be exposed to exciting opportunities but my enthusiasm soon wanes.  I was looking at the BBC free learning courses on line but nothing seemed to float my boat.  Do I really want to learn French over 12 weeks? No. Find out about WW1? No.  I am even tired of the titles of subjects: Maths, Science, Gardening, Sports and Fitness, Art and Design etc. There is probably snippets of information that I would find interesting in all topics but I don't want to devote my time to studying one subject.

To not have a clue where you are heading is most disconcerting.  Drifting in and out with the ebb and flow of the tide is exhausting and one needs to find an anchor and a place to be still and focus.  Perhaps I will spend the rest of my life just floating about like a piece of driftwood  having no interests or sense of purpose.  Seeing the beach but unable to reach it and being swept out further in the ocean.  I hope not.

5 comments:

KC'sCourt! said...

Step away from the Self Destruct Button.
Julie xxxxxxxxx

Rosie said...

Stand back, breathe and don't do anything for a while. Then chose just one thing that you know you are good at and that you like to do and go with the flow. You have such an enquiring, active brain that sometimes the trees hide the wood and that is too overwhelming. I don't know if that makes sense. Take carexx

Ethel Johnson said...

I often feel the same,
Hungry for some new.
I'll give you a wink
If I find a clue.

xx

Helen Philipps said...

I hope you feel inspired again soon, Simone. Maybe lots of walks and enjoying the natural world will help.
Wishing you a happy week ahead.
Helen xox

alisonb2 said...

I sooo identify with this post. You are not on your own Simone, love a 50 something blogger! :-)