Insatiable

I have come to the conclusion that I am insatiable.  I bought these books last week as a quick fix to alleviate my boredom and to also have something to look forward to in the post.  I now wish that I had not been so impetuous as the books, although interesting for a moment, offer nothing new to me.

I am at a crossroads in my life and yet again I am going down that path of dead ends and missed opportunities.  I think I must have a self destruct button that I am inadvertently pushing,  Time rich and money poor, there must be something I can do to spark an interest and earn a living? 

At 51 I really do feel World weary.  I want to learn new things and be exposed to exciting opportunities but my enthusiasm soon wanes.  I was looking at the BBC free learning courses on line but nothing seemed to float my boat.  Do I really want to learn French over 12 weeks? No. Find out about WW1? No.  I am even tired of the titles of subjects: Maths, Science, Gardening, Sports and Fitness, Art and Design etc. There is probably snippets of information that I would find interesting in all topics but I don't want to devote my time to studying one subject.

To not have a clue where you are heading is most disconcerting.  Drifting in and out with the ebb and flow of the tide is exhausting and one needs to find an anchor and a place to be still and focus.  Perhaps I will spend the rest of my life just floating about like a piece of driftwood  having no interests or sense of purpose.  Seeing the beach but unable to reach it and being swept out further in the ocean.  I hope not.