Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Stitching and Thinking

Whenever I do some relaxing stitching my mind tends to wander.  Today I was wondering about my future.  I rarely look too far ahead, I generally live day to day but just recently I have felt very restless with the uncertainty of my future role.  I have been a stay at home Mum for almost 13 years.  I now feel that as my son becomes less dependent on me I need to plan ahead.  It is scary.  I can't imagine returning to work.  I can't imagine working for anyone else.

When I left the office more than a decade ago, I never envisaged that I wouldn't return.  The day I left I was rosy cheeked and full of optimism.  The years have taken their toll on me.  I don't have the energy for office politics anymore.  I don't have the energy to dance to someone else's tune.  I will have to work for myself.

The problem is I don't know what I WANT to do!  I don't know what I CAN do!  My confidence is low at the moment and I don't feel that I am capable of  doing anything.  I have been 'stuck' like this for a long time as regular readers of this blog will know.  I am unable to move forward.  Unable to reclaim my identity as me and not just 'Mum'.  Who knows where I am going to end up?  On the scrap heap no doubt if I don't start making decisions soon.

For now, it is back to the cross-stitch.  At least that is one area where I am making progress.

11 comments:

KC'sCourt! said...

Oh Simone I know exactly where you are coming from. I always said I didn't want to go to work until the boys (we have three) could come home on their own and I didn't, soon after because finances dictated I had to look for a job, I looked in the local paper and saw there was a job in the local post office went for an interview and got the job after getting a letter saying I didn't have the job, I was there six years the PO changed it ways of doing things and the lovely owner sold it, now I work in a craft shop I have been there seven years now the shop is up for sale but now I dream of being at home, not sure the finances will let me though.

Good luck in what you decide.
Julie xxxxxxxx

Vintage Tea Time said...

I think often things just turn up. I was a teacher for many years and when I retired a couple of years ago, I hadn't really plan on doing anything - but now I do a market stall and have space in a shop selling vintage china, etc. Great fun - and not planned! Good luck! Abby x

Ali said...

Your cross stitch is looking fab!! Hoping you make the right decision - would you consider going down the etsy/folksy route??? Doing things you enjoy doing and selling them that way??? Be your own boss without lots of hassle?? hugs xx

marigold jam said...

Have you considered doing some voluntary work to regain your confidence? Or working part time. Do you have to go back to what you did before or could you use your knowledge to do something different. I worked as a secretary until my daughter was born but then did a teaching course and began teaching adults to type one evening a week and gradually went on from there. It was wonderful to be me instead of someone's mother or wife! Maybe you could incorporate your work skills with your craft ones in some way? Good luck!

Kathy said...

Oh, Simone, I totally understand how you're feeling ... I really struggled going back to work after six months at home ... and I was returning to my own job!
I agree with Marigold Jam .... a little voluntary work might start you off slowly. My son does one afternoon a week at Oxfam, while on his gap year. He's really enjoying it.
xxx

Rosie said...

You have so many talents, Simone - I'm sure something will just fall into place when the time is right. In the meantime you could offer to teach basic craft on a voluntary basis like card making and etc to local groups - you never know what will turn up once you start. Your cross stitch is looking good:)

Scented Sweetpeas said...

Motherhood is so amazing but it does tend to beat you up a bit doesn't it :-( Have you thought of volunteering in a charity shop to build up your confidence? I bet you would love that if you gave it a go. x

Helen Philipps said...

Your stitching is looking so perfect. You are obviously a very creative person, so it would be great to use that in a job - something will turn up when the time is right. Hope you have a happy day.
Helen x

Anne said...

You'll figure it out. Don't be so hard on yourself. The right idea will show itself to you.

daisydonut said...

I know exactly how you feel. I've been trying to work out what I want to do for years. I know I do not want to go back to office work or work for anyone else. There is always the "I should be" thing going on in my head and a sense of guilt that I'm not out there being a career woman. I've never been career orientated though and am less so now.

You are a very talented artist and crafter - you do have an identity - and if this is where your heart is follow your heart - good things will follow. (So why am I not following my own advice lol)?!

Judy Hartman said...

I felt the same way several years ago, Simone. After having taught school before my daughter was born, I then worked part time in art galleries during her childhood. I also belonged to a craft co-op and sold my work there. Now I tutor one child and hope to open an etsy shop.
As DaisyDonut said in the previous comment, you are a very talented woman and I'm sure just the right thing will come along if you open your heart to it.
Best wishes,
Judy xx