Tuesday, 15 November 2011

Uprooted

I know I said I was only going to post once a week but there is a side to me that has to be contrary once in a while.  I saw this uprooted tree whilst out on  a woodland walk a few weeks ago.  It hadn't been chopped down.  It looked as though a giant had pulled it up out of the ground like a misplaced weed. 

I am in a bit of a strange mood today (what's new?).  I feel as though I have been uprooted (just like the tree) and somewhat scattered.  I really need to feel grounded again. I have being feeling quite stressed out recently, dropping things and not really being mindful of what I am doing.  That needs to stop!

Sometimes I worry about my future.  I am a bit of a drifter and tend to go with the ebb and flow.  No wonder my 'career' is going nowhere.  Stuck on the beach, afraid of dipping my toe in and just allowing circumstances to pull me into the water or wash me up on the beach.  I do have nightmares about becoming a whiskery chinned vagrant looked down upon by some members of society, wondering where my next meal is going to come from and whether or not I will find a place to sleep that night.

I really need to get my act together and find a way of generating some kind of an income.  The voluntary work I do is rewarding and satisfies my 'need' of feeling useful but I do need to be 'earning' too.

I have dabbled with selling a few hand made items here on my blog but that is not sustainable as I only really cover the cost of the materials.  Do I learn a new skill?  Do I perfect the ones I have?  Do I forget crafting as a way to generate an income?  Questions, questions, questions.  Going around and around in circles.   I need to see things differently as I have become stuck in a rut for quite a considerable time.

By putting these thoughts down, I am hoping for some clarification.  My indecisiveness is so tiresome and I can't carry on in this frame of mind.  I don't remember the last time I had a good night's sleep.  I feel emotionally drained with trying to figure out a solution to my conundrum.

13 comments:

Toffeeapple said...

You poor thing, I wish I could help. If you need an income could you get a part time job that would allow you to continue at the vineyard? Without meaning to be unkind, you are unlikely to make much from crafting until you start to charge proper prices. Your work is excellent but you don't charge enough for materials and time.

As for sleeping, I am the last person to try to advise you on conquering that. Perhaps you could start by having Chamomile tea before bed? Or hot milk and brandy?

greenrabbitdesigns said...

Wish I could help you Simone but deciding on a career is a personal choice.
Crafting is fun but believe me there is no money to be made at it.
You do need to try and relax and I know that's easier said than done but being tired I think always makes things seem much worse than they really are.
Things will sort themselves out in time, as I believe what's meant to be is meant to be.
Take care,
Vivienne x

sharon said...

Try to listen to your heart, Simone. It is a physical organ, yes, but a divine one as well. Please continue to find the time you need to nourish that divinity. Sending my love.

Val said...

Since you are a self proclaimed renaissance soul I can't see why you are complaining!
Perhaps you just need to lead two lives. My daughter works part time at a regular job and does her crafty things on her days off. She sews, draws, cooks and crafts. She is trained as a digital animator and may do that one day. She works in a gourmet food store part time just so she has time for her real life. I think it is wonderful how she has worked things out.
I hope you find some peace soon.

Rosie said...

I think your volunteer work is perhaps the key. Many years ago when we moved I had to leave a job in a museum and so I volunteered at the local museum where we had moved to and eventualy got a permanent job there. Sometimes opportunities crop up when you least expect them. I think this time of year makes some of us feel restless and slightly out of kilter, I know it does me and sleepless nights are a pain I've had two this week so sympathise with you. Keep doing what you are doing with your crafting and volunteering and keeping your days filled and out of the blue that opportunity will happen to point you in the right direction - it may yet be something you haven't even thought of:)

Helen Philipps said...

Just popped in to see you and am not sure how to help you with your conundrum. Crafting can only earn enough to make a living if you also combine it with either commercial designing or teaching, which is what most of my art school friends and crafty friends have done. But crafting is good for the soul, so it's important to do that as well as something else that earns some pennies. Don't feel bad, Simone, something will be waiting for you if you keep looking. Hope you feel better soon.
Helen x

Lisa said...

I hope sleep comes to you soon Simone, very difficult making decisions when you don't feel rested.
Good luck with mulling over your options.
Lisa x

A garden just outside Venice said...

I do agree with Rosie's advice and I hope you will find the right way to follow soon!
x

Kelly Martin said...

Much love Simone, totally understand where you are coming from. I just started reading the Tao of Pooh. Pooh doesn't seem to make an effort like Piglet and over organise and doesn't overly bound into things like Tigger or get depressed like Eeyore. Maybe the way of the Pooh bear is the way to go Simone (smile). Love to you xxx

Anne said...

Hi, Simone. I've been staying away from the computer lately, but I do like coming back and catching up with my favorite bloggers. Know that even if I'm not commenting as much as I once did, I do still like to visit and I cherish our bloggy friendship.

I can relate to how you are feeling. I have certainly had some of the same feelings and continue to have them. Transitional times are so difficult and roller coasters of mood just keep going without our permission! (And sleepless nights... ugh, I've had far too many of those, too. Wish I could give you a solution to that. Wish I had one myself!).

Anyway, just give yourself some time and some space and LISTEN. You will find your way. Step back, quiet your mind and things will become clearer.

Teresa said...

Though I generally sleep fairly well I could have written the comments about the need for regular income and its source. I tend to sort of drift along too. I so understand where you are coming from... you're not alone!

amanda claire said...

I am so sorry to be so far behind on what has been going on with you. Oscar does take up an awful lot of time (and quite rightly so) but it does mean I get very behind these days!

I often feel like this and have done since I graduated because up until that point my life was directed by what others expected from me and since then I have been trying to figure out what *I* want from my life.

Since giving up full time work last year I have realised I am not as much a homebody as I once thought and actually thrive on having a job. Tim says he always knew this about me but I had to learn the hard way ;)

Despite being very ill during pregnancy, I enjoyed the little bit of work I did and may be doing the odd day to keep in touch with what is going on over the next couple of months so I can look at doing any days they may need me as relief once my maternity leave ends.

That being said, I don't want to miss any of Oscar being young as our current plan is that I will go back to work full-time and Tim will drop his hours to look after Oscar when he is 2 or 3 years old and less dependent on me, as I will always be able to earn more than Tim so it will make it easier for one of us to stay home with Oscar (which is what we want) and also I enjoy work far more than Tim does (despite loving being at home I do so love the challenges work presents).

And yet although I have figured this out, I still have no idea what our future holds. So like others have said, you are not alone in feeling this way xx

Louise said...

I had just the same feelings when I was out of work, anxiousness and panic at not having a job. We all need some kind of income to lead the lifestyle we choose, and more importantly to pay the bills. For me I know that I have to go to work and do a job I don't particularly want to be doing, albeit part-time. I'd love to work for myself, but there would be no money in it whatsoever, and one can't survive on fresh air alone. x