Tuesday, 16 October 2012

My Heart's Desire

I have been doing a lot of soul searching for a long time.  I ask myself the question 'what truly is my heart's desire? ' I am no nearer reaching the answer to my quest now, then when I first posed the question.  It saddens me that I am most likely to pass through this World without ever finding true purpose or meaning for my life.

I have always been morose even as a child and I spend hours backtracking to find out the source of my sadness.  Maybe sad is me?

What makes me happy?  I can't even answer that question.  I try to busy myself with creative pursuits as a detraction to looking inwardly.  I don't even think that creating is my heart's desire. Cream, heart shaped ivy leaves shown above are desirable; but not my heart's desire.

8 comments:

Toffeeapple said...

But what is 'happy'? Yesterday I would have been very happy if I could have walked without pain, today I stay in bed where it is warm and I am almost free of pain so today I am happy. I wonder, sometimes, if we expect too much? Anyway, I hope that you lose your sadness even if you don't find your heart's desire.

marigold jam said...

Perhaps you just are introspective - we can't help how we are made. I think too much is made about the search for what we desire. Happiness is to be found in the little everyday things like a sunbeam on a spider's web or a friendly smile. I have no idea what my heart's desire is either but I have wonderful moments of contentment and for those I am truly grateful. I remember once when I was going through a patch of gloom and reading many different self help books and my daughter said that it was no wonder I was stressed as I was always reading about it. Out of the mouths of babes etc eh?! She was right to a point and I wonder if just getting on with things without trying to find the holy grail of happiness is the answer. Remember happiness is like a butterfly - if you chase it you'll never catch it but if you stand still it might just land on you! Hope you will have some joyful moments in your days and that you will come to accept the way you are without the need for questioning it all so much. (I speak as one who's been there and not in any way as a preacher!)

rusty duck said...

I think what you've said could be true of a lot of us.
But sometimes the answer comes when we least expect it.
Who knows what the future may hold?

greenrabbitdesigns said...

I think you should listen to Jane (Marigold Jam), she has given such a wise and experienced answer to your quest Simone.
There is an awful lot to be said for contentment!
Vivienne x

KC'sCourt! said...

Wise words from Marigold Jam.
Julie xxxxxxxxxxx

wherethejourneytakesme said...

Hi Simone - as others before me have said - I would always aim for contentment - both my dad and my father in law were very quiet contented people. My dad always said 'when my family are happy - I am happy' and the same is true for me now. I feel contented when I know everyone is all right. With all the media coverage, Facebook, celebrities and even blogs it can seem that we are not living an eventful or purposeful life like everyone else may 'appear' to be and I think this can often make us feel discontented and unhappy wondering what our place in life is. I think we perhaps all go through periods of searching and feeling unsure. I once read a book by Gerald Hughes where it asked 'What time is it in your life right now?' I periodically ask myself this question and then record the answer and the reason for choosing this 'time' in my daily journal. When I look back over the years I have likened my life to many different hours of the day - from the dark quiet lonely hours of the early morning (when I have felt sad and alone) to the warm cosy hours of tea time when my family are all safely 'gathered in' and sometimes it has been the get up and go of a new day at 7am (when I have felt more positive and alive). Asking the question of yourself from time to time can be very enlightening.
I do know that your blog has given me a lot of pleasure over the years your posts are always full of interesting snippets of your life and your talents I am only sorry that we cannot get together over a cup of tea in person. Hope you can take some comfort from the comments that have been left for you - life is a journey of discovery and sometimes we do get a little lost - modern day Sat Nav and getting to our destination quickly is not always a good thing - meandering along the lanes is often so much better. Take care now Viv xx

Rosie said...

I think sometimes searching for the holy grail of what we think is true happiness makes us unhappy and even discontented with our lives. As a child I was quite shy and also quite morose (I like that word) but I always put that down to the fact that by the time I was 15 I'd lost a father, both sets of grandparents, an aunt and a cousin so I was pretty aware of my own mortality at an early age. I think Marigold Jam's words of finding happiness in small things is so true and also just living and enjoying now; the future will happen and the past can't be altered. I know I worry often about situations in the past that I have perhaps not handled well because I didn't fully understand at the time and with hindsight now do. Let them all go and enjoy now. Take care, Simonexxx

Judy Hartman said...

Dear Simone,
I hope you will read this comment, even though it is for a past post.
I am someone who has been diagnosed with depression - it runs in my family, and I cope with it as best I can. My blog is a place where I write my positive thoughts - my choice - but I'm glad you feel free to express your anxieties and fears also. We are all in this together, aren't we? You have some very supportive readers, myself included. From what I have read, it seems that you love nature, creativity and beauty. I enjoy your blog very much and, if I am absent now and then, it is only because I am wrapped up in my own "stuff", but I always try to catch up. You are a lovely person and I consider you a friend. I wish you happiness, fulfillment and peace.
xxx