Tuesday, 31 March 2015

Imperfections

I am like the pearls in the photo above. I am perfectly imperfect.  Cultured pearls should not be even and smooth and identical.  Their surface texture is grainy and have slight scarring and irregularities in the layers of nacre.  The pearls are beautiful to look at but they are not perfect.

I am using the pearl analogy to convince myself that although I do not have classic good looks , there may be beauty to be found in my imperfections.  I am the opposite of everything that the western World deems to be beautiful.  It is a constant battle to look 'normal' let alone as a beauty! Given a choice though, I would rather be healthy than beautiful but recently even my health has been letting me down.  With the resolve to get myself checked over this year and to be able to feel and look good I have been to the GP, dentist, hairdresser and more recently to the opticians.

My eyes have not been tested for 4 years so after visiting the rather dour optometrist, was advised that I needed a new glasses prescription.  A chirpy young woman guided me around the various ranges of glasses showing me the two for one offers and their budget ranges.  I said that I would rather come back another day with my son and get his opinion on what suited me but I lingered thinking I might as well get it sorted there and then rather than coming back later in the week. I spent a bit of time looking around and then another helpful assistant came over to me. 

Even though I have to wear glasses most of the time (except for close work) glasses do not really suit me.  Saying that, I now have a 'glasses face' in which I look strange when I am not wearing any!  I have got to know the type of shape that looks better on me over the years but was somehow convinced to try on some metallic lavender coloured frames with delicate embossing on the arms.  After a short consultation and fitting, I paid up and was told to come back and collect in two weeks time.

Yesterday the two weeks was up.  I saw a lovely new recruit (she had just started that morning) who asked me to sit and wait in a booth whilst she fetched over my new glasses.  'Put them on.  What do you think?'  Well I think I was as surprised as she was when I said ' I look ugly. They do nothing for me.  What on earth was I thinking buying them?'  She was so apologetic when she saw that I was about to burst into tears and said that they would change them for another pair.  Luckily she knew exactly what I meant about feeling ugly in the glasses.  The lens area was much larger than I was used to and highlighted the dark, purple shadows and wrinkly skin under my eyes and the pinkness to the frame made my heightened colour look ever pinker.  I settled on some glasses similar to my original ones albeit an inferior quality.  I did ask if they could just change the glass in my current spectacles but they said that they wouldn't be held responsible if they broke them whilst doing so.

Going back four paragraphs, I briefly mentioned my trip to the hairdressers.  Let's just say that the young man washing my hair said that he had never washed long hair before and didn't know how to wrap it in towel.  He didn't know how to give a head massage either and squeezed my temples so hard that it brought on a migraine later that day.  Today I read on twitter that the salon had been awarded best salon in London. 

It is hard work trying to be 'beautiful'.  Even after all this 'work' I still look like I have been pulled through a hedge backwards.

9 comments:

greenrabbitdesigns said...

Awe Simone I'm quite sure you do not look like you've been pulled through a hedge backwards and I'm also quite sure you're not ugly. Beauty comes from within and you're a very lovely lady!
You really are very hard on yourself, don't be you're beautiful and as I always remind my kids " I'm never wrong"!!
V x

Rosie said...

Glad you got some help to chose some other frames, she sounds like a really caring person. I understand how you felt as this week I too went for an eye test and had to chose some new frames as my prescription has changed. Like you I'm sensitive about how I look in them - I've worn glasses since I was seven years old and can't manage without them at all. My experience was the oposite to you the optician was lovely but the assistant wasn't too helpful in helping me chose frames when I could see what I looked like in them. Last time they assistant picked out a few suitable frames for me to try this one just stood and let me struggle in front of a sea of frames. I'm dreading collecting them on Friday in case I don't like them:)

Simone said...

Hi Rosie! It's a pity we couldn't have gone to pick out our glasses together! I am sure your glasses will be fine. Mine were radically different to what I have got used to and I was feeling particularly low on that day.x

Marigold Jam said...

My mother who was a wise old bird used to tell me when I was complaining about this or that and not being beautiful that it didn't matter what you looked like it was what you were that counted. I wonder if any of us are classically beautiful - I know I'm not - but beauty comes from within and if you look around at people who you think are lovely they are often not actually beautiful let alone perfect but they have that certain je ne sais quoi which comes from within and from being happy in their skin. If you can't be beautiful be quirky I say!

Amanda said...

Oh Simone, I'm sorry that you're feeling this way! I once worked in an opticians and the training on helping someone find glasses that suited them was so short and laughable that I just ignored them completely and let people choose their own, offering my own input only when asked, as I felt it was much more important for people to feel comfortable in what they were wearing!! Glad they changed the specs for you... And how awful your hair appointment brought on a migraine, that must be the furthest from the desired outcome you could get!

Can you spend some time pampering yourself in ways that make you feel good, without relying on what other people think? Forget about the norm and what the world considers beautiful, work on what makes YOU feel special xx

Cheryl mylittlepieceofengland said...

You sound very self critical, I'm sure your new glasses didn't look as bad as they felt, maybe it was the change of style? I detest buying new frames, I can never see what I look like in them anyway without lenses in them!
You sound like you need some really quality time looking after yourself. Take care xx

Ethel Johnson said...

I'm sorry you feel ugly
but I bet you're really sweet,
from the top of your pointy head
down to your hairy feet!
xx

Simone said...

Thanks Ethel! Now that would be cute!!! x

Anne Butera said...

Awww... what a tough time you've been having, Simone. I can certainly relate. Choosing glasses is hard for me and I can never decide what looks good on me even though I've been wearing glasses since I was in 1st grade!

And going to the salon... I was lucky for a while to have one that I liked and have a hairdresser who knew me (and the fact that I'm not a chatterbox) and my hair and always cut and colored it wonderfully. I miss those days. Now I cut and color my own hair (whether that's a good thing or not, I'm not sure... hahaha). So many times I would feel so awkward going to get my hair cut.

True beauty is not about fitting into someone else's mold or ideal. It's about what's in your heart and it's about being happy with who you are.

Sending you thoughts of peace and self-love, Simone.