A Fish Out of Water

I quit my job.  After a year working as a General Kitchen Assistant in a school kitchen, I realised that my 'good enough' job was not quite good enough.  A giant leap of faith will take me where I want to go.  I cannot wait for new (and creative) adventures.

* Fish painted by following Anne Butera's Skillshare class 'Learn to Paint Watercolor Goldfish.'

Just a Job

I feel I am climbing a mountain right now.  Having returned to work after more than 19 years a lot of old insecurities have been re-surfacing.  I am not ready to divulge what I do as a job other than to say it is in the service industry and completely different to the office based work I did before.  Part of me feels like I never left work but the other part of me says 'what have you done for the past two decades?'  The most difficult thing to get my head around is how quickly the years have passed.  I am sad for all the lost opportunities in my life and the fact that I couldn't find a way to make it on my own as self-employed.

I grieve for my old life.  I feel that part of me has died but on the upside I feel that part of me has been re-energised and reborn.  When I started my new job I wanted to throw it all in after two days.  I told my line manager that I couldn't hack it and wasn't sure if I would be back after the weekend.  I had been having sleepless nights even before starting the job, waking up every hour and dreaming about the job all the time in between.  My anxiety levels were through the roof with upset stomach, dry mouth, uncontrollable crying and a fear of going to bed being unable to sleep.

Two weeks on, I am settling down more in my job.  It is just a job.  I must keep repeating this mantra to myself.  I must learn to switch off when I am not there.  During my free time at home I have been watching YouTube videos for inspiration and insight and some of the messages on there came to me at just the right time.  Here is one such message from Travis Barton although I have not quoted it exactly as he said it:

'If I choose to do what is easy right now, life will continue to be difficult, but if I do what is difficult right now , life is going to be easy.'

On this occasion I have opted for the difficult option.  I could have easily chucked the job in but I would be back to square one again looking for employment.  The work is getting easier.  It is tiring and I often feel emotional as it is not how I ever envisioned my career path to go, but it is a job.  It is just a job and I am lucky to be back in employment after such a long break.