Thursday, 9 September 2010

Losing the Plot

Recently I have not been very mindful of what I'm doing. I will give you a couple of examples. When visiting the library I took out my house keys to open the door; this morning I put on my son's Lynx deodorant by mistake.

A couple on months back I liberally sprayed deodorant all over my face thinking it was Liz Earle's skin tonic spritzer. I don't know if these acts of carelessness are because I have too much on (in) my mind - or not enough. It is quite a worry to make mistakes with the most mundane of tasks.

I have been feeling quite useless recently. My self esteem is rock bottom and I find it a chore to even dress appropriately to get a paper from the corner shop.

I need to find work but lack the confidence to do anything let alone convince an employer reasons to employ me! I could give a ream of good reasons for not employing me though.

A few posts back I asked readers/bloggers for suggestions on the kinds of jobs I could consider. I was flattered that you had such high expectations of me and for a while believed that I could do anything I put my mind to, but every now and then a little voice in the back of my head tells me to be realistic, to stop kidding myself and to stop having ideas above my station.

The melancholy season is just around the corner. I am having my melancholy period in advance so that I can get this negativity of my chest and out of my head, and start living life again.

16 comments:

Julie Rutter said...

Oh Simone, I hope you don't feel like this for long. You will be able to find the right job for you. Try not to stress. You are a brilliant person. Juliex

Kathy said...

Oh Simone, your post made me feel so sad. Everybody does daft things from time to time .. it's part of the ageing process I suppose.
Try to wear something nice everyday. I found it helped me when I was diagnosed ... I made sure I was up and dressed in something I felt good in. I did my make-up and hair too. I wasn't going to let cancer grind me down!
I wouldn't presume to advise you on finding work, but have you thought about taking a course or volunteering for a little while to build up your confidence while you are looking for a job. Your life always seems so organised in your posts ... I'm quite envious of your life style!
Big hugs love from Kathy xxx
P.S. if you saw my whole lawn you would laugh ... it's full of dog holes!!!!

Ali said...

It's hard - I feel your pain. I just lost my job and can't quite summon the oomph to look for another. Even though I know as the nights draw in, I will feel bad about the long hours at home, alone.

periwinkle said...

You aren't the only one to make silly mistakes - I do it all the time , honestly , always have done . Once I even forgot why I had booked a day off work - it was for my own engagement party !!! I think the onset of darker nights brings the onset of darker moods for a lot of us too. Big hugs x

LindyH said...

Hello Simone,
I'm glad I popped over here to read your post.
I'm always sad when I read about someone with such very low self esteem. In fact I shall write about the subject mext week, it's going to the top of my 'blogging ideas list!'
I hope you will look out for it and I hope it might help you begin to climb out of this dark place.
Love your blog, BTW. I've subscribed.

greenrabbitdesigns said...

I am sorry you're feeling a bit low Simone. Really don't worry about doing silly things, we all do!
Maybe a course of some sort would be a good idea, just to get you out and about.
((Take care))
Vivienne x

Green thumb said...

I'm with you when you say that Autumn it's the season of melancholy, but try to consider it as a start after the much needed Summer break and not just the time of darkness. As Julie Rutter said you're such a brilliant lady, plenty of interests and abilities.
Michela xxx

P.S.The striped Morning Glories are called "Carnival of Venice" (!)
and the seeds came with a UK gardening magazine

summerfete said...

Big hug Simone!

I am also a melancholy soul.
Take it as a positive, say you are a tortured artist like I do!!

Seriously though, try and go for walks and get out in the sun.

Clare

if its any help I feel the same about job hunting!!

Pipany said...

I'm glad you put how you are feeling here Simone because it gives the rest of us the chance to sya you are not alone. We have all been there sometime (frequently!) and it does pass, but you need to grab those moments when positivity hit. They soon disappear again if not, so when an up-bit comes do something that will make you feel good - it can be something really small, but you will feel better for it. Think about a course/training too Simone. There is often funding available. Take heart lovely xx

Tillybud said...

Here's my 'happy parcel' wrapped in cherry print tissue paper especially for you. It contains :a trip to the garden centre to potter about and maybe buy some bulbs, a cup of tea and a giggle, a mad dance around the kitchen and a big big hug!!

magsmcc said...

They are phasing French out of my school, and I will thus lose my perfectly perfect one day a week job-share in the summer. Just when there are absolutely no jobs to be had, and I ask as wel what could I do anyway? We will live, Simone, as I read in a quote recently, we will live every day of our lives. And bake cakes on Fridays, and read the jobs pages for inspiration!

Rosie said...

Hi Simone, Sorry to hear you are feeling so down. I too do similar daft things all time. I've sprayed myself with furniture polish because I had the nozzle the wrong way round. Recently reversed my car of my drive into another car because I forgot to look in the mirror, In my defence no one ever parks over the end of the drive ever well except that one day!
I thought it was my age but talking to the youngsters at school they do silly things as well.
Have you thought of doing something voluntary until you can get work?
Good luck with whatever you decide to do and don't get too disheartened. x

Scented Sweetpeas said...

:-( sorry to hear you are feeling poop. Are you getting enough sleep - all of those symptoms are the same as I get when I get broken or crappy sleep. I have done lots of silly things recently for that exact reason.

silverpebble said...

Thinking of you Simone. I too can struggle in the winter months and am daunted by autumn approaching. I was thinking last night though - it's only really about sixteen week that it's really truly winter. Only weeks. I felt better when I realised that. I hope you have a good weekend.

Judy Hartman said...

Simone, honestly, not too long ago I went to a store wearing two very different low-heeled shoes. Later I went to visit two friends and we were laughing so hard about it.
I know a few people who get depressed at this time of the year and I feel sad for you, Simone. I, too, get down, very down, at times. I've found it helpful to work with a counselor, with good results. Whatever you decide to do, your comments here show that a lot of us love you and respect you. Hope you feel better very soon.
xxJudy

Rosie said...

Sorry you've been feeling low Simone - I feel it too at this time of year. Gosh, you'd laugh at the silly things I do - like running upstairs to get something I need doing one or two other things whilst I'm up there then coming down before realising what I went up for. Something will turn up soon job wise I'm sure probably from somewhere you least expect or hadn't thought of. Take carexx