I don't really like to do a blog post without a photo but I just wanted to write today and didn't have a suitable picture to accompany the text. My photos have been lacking of late too and I feel that I have reached a metaphorical ceiling with my photography.
After my euphoria of turning out some not bad rings last week I came crashing back down to earth this week when I couldn't produce a decent bracelet. I did all the fancy work of making the bracelets but wasn't satisfied with how I was finishing them off. I tried various findings and lobster claw clasps and knots but nothing seemed to work to my satisfaction. I now have a pile of spoilt bracelets. Little frustrations like this in life really get me down from time to time. The bracelet example sums up my life. Doing a good job but never seeing anything through to fruition or completion. Things fizzle out before they really ever get off the ground.
Today I have been feeling as though my life is and has been about walking on a tightrope. I try to keep upright, straight and balanced but it is a constant struggle to focus on the end of the rope and not lean to much to the left or right for fear of falling. I tiptoe precariously, heart thumping with clammy palms and have a strong urge to jump before I fall.
A few weeks back I attended a course on an introduction to business for women. I was really looking forward to it although my enthusiasm soon waned when the speaker said that we need to bring home £2000 a month before we can even think of starting a business. She said that we needed a domain name, to print business cards and take out three types of insurance including indemnity and public liability, employ an accountant or bookkeeper and beg steal or borrow a loan. I came away feeling more useless than when I went in.
Writing all these thoughts down is giving me some clarity. I am like the horse who pulls up just before it reaches the finishing line. I must find a way or the motivation to keep going until I am the winner and not the drop out, the victor and not the defeatist.