Wednesday, 4 November 2015

A Bad Case of Self Expression

I had a long walk today on my way to a volunteers meeting.  I took the berry photo in a park nearby.  The holly tree was smothered in berries a sign of a harsh winter to come?  With hindsight I wish I had stayed taking photos rather than attend the meeting although I did meet an interesting man who apparently used to sell missiles and another who thought I was in my late 30's so it wasn't all bad.

At the meeting I spoke up and expressed my views in a rather clumsy way that came out in a bit of a rant.  I felt so embarrassed afterwards but luckily an eloquent woman spoke up for me explaining what I meant.  I think I may have shocked a few people with what I was saying but at least I was heard.  I blame it on the second child syndrome.  I was the second and last child of two in a house shared with strong characters.  A long way down in the pecking order I feel I have to shout to be heard. 

Do you have siblings or are you an only child?  Has being a second child held you back in any way?  Do you feel that you are compared to the first born?  I would be interested to know if any of you have felt stifled by being the youngest member of the family. 

Right now I feel emotionally drained after my 'self expression' episode.  I feel I must stay tight lipped for months to come!  I am going to keep my head down and stay at the back of the queue.  Sometimes being seen and not heard can be an advantage.


KC'sCourt! said...

What did you say............?
I'm an only child and very shy and have many problems.
I have three boys, and the middle one always shouted, the eldest is quiet, and the youngest is cheeky even now aged thirty.
Julie xxxx

Marigold Jam said...

I am an only child or as the French would say, and which I prefer, une enfant unique and unlike Julie I am not shy as I had to go out there and make friends or be lonely. I think it is sometimes said that the middle child is the one who has the problems of not being the first born nor the baby and when I was doing my Cert Ed course we learned that the fifth child is apparently the worst one to be. Does any of it make any difference? Who knows it's the old Nature v Nurture question isn't it. Perhaps we are who we are and that's the end of it. My daughter another enfant unique is as you can tell from my posts an independent person who has enough confidence to set off across the world on her own but is that because she is an only like her mother or because of how she was brought up? I think not as those with more than one child who are all presumably brought up the same find that they are all different. Interesting post and one worthy of discussion!!

Marigold Jam said...

Post Script: I have often thought I would change and become the quiet one who was seen and not heard but in 70 years I have never managed it! I am as I am obviously!

greenrabbitdesigns said...

I am the youngest of two but my brother is 13 years older than me, however I suspect he would have been compared to me to be honest, I was a daddy's girl and could do no wrong! ;)
I think the abundance of berries is due to what happened back in the spring rather that a sign of what's to come!
V x

Rosie said...

Oh, I know that feeling Simone it has happened to me once or twice in a working situation. I am a very quiet person so when I do speak out people are always surprised, a sort of 'who are you to say/think that' sort of attitude. I was an only child until I was 6 when I gained a step sister ten years older than me. We get along far better now we are adults. I find it difficult to speak up as I was always taught by my Mum, not to shout, interupt or make a show of myself, always to stand back for others, not to push myself forward - you get the idea so I still find it difficult to speak out in front of others. Hope you feel less drained now after your experience:)

Marigold Jam said...

Saw this news article and thought of you - it would seem there are advantages and disadvantages in being the second born!

Simone said...

Thanks Marigold Jam! Very interesting. I don't believe that it is anything to do with what goes on in the womb. I think it is down to the older child having exclusive attention for the first year or so of its life. In addition the older child is sometimes given the responsibility of caring for the younger sibling giving it a sense power over the younger one!

Jane said...

I am the eldest of three. I was very shy as a child and as a young adult. In my mid-twenties I suddenly discovered that the answer to feeling shy in a group was to just say something (anything!) It was as simple as switching a switch, and now I can't shut up! I'm not sure there's ever a simple answer, except that we change and learn over the years. If we over-compensate for a while then hopefully we'll eventually find a balance. My 88 year old father says he's still learning!