Saturday, 22 November 2014

Feeling Lost

I have been feeling lost for such a long time now.  Apart from having my son I feel that my life has lacked purpose.  I walk a very lonely road that is void of friends and like-minded souls (apart from my blogging friends of course who add joy to my daily existence).

This week I have been thinking deeply.  Over the past few years I have neglected myself to the point that I hardly recognise the face in the mirror.  An old World weary face looks back at me and I look a lot older than the 51 years I have managed to clock up so far.  I think some TLC is in order and I am going to 'selfishly' start putting my needs before others.  A lifetime of 'compromising' has left me with little that I have truly wanted.  I know that it is good practice to compromise occasionally but not consistently.

My time at the vineyard has come to a close.  My volunteering there has lessened over the past year as I have struggled with coughs and colds and lacked the desire to weed and tend the vines.  I am just a number and there are many shoes willing to fill my space.  I thought the vineyard would offer me a connection to nature but once I got stuck into work I barely got to view the land around me.  I feel sad that I have decided to close this chapter but feel that my time there had outlived its purpose. 

This morning, on a whim, I picked up a pack of tarot cards from the bookshelf and randomly selected one.  The card I picked was 'The Pole Star'.  Here is a summary of the reading points for it:

The power of universal work is at lore here, either within the individual or permeating a web of circumstance that will bring profound change and new spiritual hope.  The Pole Star of prophetic guidance and inspirational knowledge has risen and will guide you on your forthcoming journey through the forest.  If you hold this ancient and basic truth near the core of your being and navigate by it you cannot go far wrong; it is there as a talisman as well as a symbol of the universal cycle of nature.  Whenever you are feeling lost in the dark labyrinth of life, remember that the same laws and primal matter that bind the Pole Star and fuel its giant heart also formed you.

I really needed to read those words today.  It seems that whatever journey I choose will be the 'right' one as long as I trust my instincts.

6 comments:

KC'sCourt! said...

I have found a virtual friend in you. I think we all should put ourselves first occasionally. You do need real friends too, someone to talk to, email/text, someone to meet occasionally and have coffee or lunch with.
Trust your instincts and do what suits you.
Julie xxxxxxx

Rosie said...

Give yourself some little treats, Simone and take time out to look after yourself and think about where you want to go. Take carexx

Anne Butera said...

Yes, take care of yourself, Simone. Put yourself first and other things will fall into place. I remember reading in some self-help sort of book an analogy to what they tell you on airplanes, how you need to (figuratively) put your oxygen mask on first and then help those who need help (children, etc.) get theirs on.

Trust yourself. Choose your path and care for yourself. It's not selfish. It's necessary.

greenrabbitdesigns said...

Absolutely you must put yourself first sometimes!!
Remember this though Simone, should you never do anything else being the good mother that you are to your son will be the most important thing you will do with your life, anything else is just the icing on the cake!
V x

Bev C said...

Hello Simone,

You must treat yourself every now and again, with life you never know what is around the corner. Treat every day as a gift.

Happy days.
Bev.

Ethel Johnson said...

May a new door open wide
to motivate and guide.

Good luck on your new adventure...
whatever you do, don't forget to blog about it. xx