Self Observation

I am one of life's observers.  I don't interact much and feel more comfortable being the supporting act rather than the star.  I have worried for years about lacking ambition and when I was employed I had no desire to move up the ranks and was happy to stay put.  I feel that my lack of ambition has been viewed negatively by past employers and colleagues who only see promotion as a benchmark of progress/success in work.

Trying to make sense of myself and how others perceive me, I took a Myers-Briggs personality test.  My personality indicator came out as ISFJ which is introversion, sensing, feeling, judging.  I think the test accurately describes me. EDITED 21 June 2016 . I was incorrect with the test.  After redoing the test and finding a report on when I had done it previously, I am a INFP personality type and this one DEFINITELY describes me!!!

I have recently found out that I was born under a balsamic moon and that cancer was in my mid heaven at the time of my birth.

In western astrology I have: sun in Aries, rising sign Libra, Moon in Pisces

In vedic (jyotish) astrology: sun in Pisces, rising sign Virgo, Moon in Aquarius

I don't know if it is helpful (as yet) to collate all this (useless?) information about myself.   I do know that I want grounding though and if putting myself in various labelled boxes helps me to do this it will all be worthwhile.

Perception

Is it snow or is it clouds?  It all depends upon your perception.  I have often wondered how I am perceived by others.  In fact, I think I have asked this question before on the blog.  Some of you will 'know' me quite well as you have been with me since the start of my blog, others are just getting to know me.

I have a question for you all.  What word would you use to describe me on this blog?  I will read all the replies before moderating the comments so that Bloggers are not influenced by others thoughts and opinions.

It will be interesting to find out if others see me as I 'see' myself. 

Voices

I listen to the radio on a daily basis.  I only listen to phone in and talk shows (LBC) and never music.  As I haven't been in the work place for 15 years I miss voices and general chitter chatter.  I love to hear different accents and tones of voice and the pronunciation of words. 

Yesterday I was playing back a phone message and heard myself speak.  I was so shocked.  I came across as dull and monotone.  There were uncomfortable gaps in the conversation and my speech was slovenly.  So here is yet another imperfection that I need to work on! 

I come from a working class background in South East London so you can probably imagine the kind of accent I have, but instead of having a fast talking chirpy cockney lilt, my voice just sounds uneducated and boring!

Thank goodness I am able to write as a way of expression as I can't see myself making it as a radio presenter any time soon.

An Uncultivated Mind

I have not done much reading of late and the books I am supposed to be reading in my side bar have not been picked up and looked at for months.  Today I was excited to discover a new (to me) author by the name of James Allen (1864-1912).  He wrote one of the original self help books called 'As a Man Thinketh' and you can read the book on line here.

He talks of how the mind can be likened to a garden in this paragraph:

 A man's mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth. If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed seeds will fall therein, and will continue to produce their kind.

I think I will take heed of this message!  I will weed out the neglected areas of my mind and put some useful seeds into it.  I will start by reading 'As a Man Thinketh'.  It is so hard to believe that his wise words were written so many years ago and yet are still relevant today.

A Little More Festive

The house is slowly getting decorated for the festive season.  The tree went up and a garland went over the fireplace at the weekend.  I will gradually add to the decorations over the coming week.

I attended a personal development course today as part of a course on working in the voluntary sector.  We had to individually stand up in front of the group and talk about the personal achievements of the person we had been partnered up with.  Afterwards we were put into groups and members of the group had to say what our strengths were.  I was told that my strength  was the fact that I was very composed whilst giving my presentation.  Me composed?  I chuckled inwardly as I hate public speaking and felt very nervous about standing up and talking in front of a group of strangers.  Isn't it funny how we are perceived by others?

From now on I am going to be very 'composed' in the run up to Christmas and keep my ruffled feathers under wraps.